Eros Daily Musings and Digressions

Just when we thought we’d gotten rid of abstinence-only education, it is rearing its ugly head again, sneaking its way into the health care debate. Yesterday, Orin Hatch introduced an amendment to fund abstinence-only programs and today it narrowly passed the senate committee 12-11. President Obama has called for repealing this funding in the past and Democrats in both houses agree with him. Regardless of how you may feel about health care reform, there is no question that abstinence-only education does not work. Ten years of scientific evidence shows that - so why are we bringing it back now?

Take action now and write to your senator today at the Advocates for Youth site.

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By Jonathan Leder

The Duchess:

All I want is to savour each gasp, each movement. To truly be in the moment and relish each time his fingers tighten and when his body unconsciously opens itself to me.

I want to own him - to possess his desire. To command his lust. I want to wipe his mind clean of every other thought - to create in it one single-minded purpose. To want me. Only me.

His hands, his cock, his tongue crave only my taste, my touch. Only my cunt will provide him with release. We must consume each other…

Above are two advertisements for Italian tile (and design) company Bisazza, photos of a Geisha in Shibari shot by world-famous Japanese avant-garde photographer Nobuyoshi Araki. The ads ran in magazines such as Elle Interiors, Wallpaper and World of Interiors — until six, yes six people complained to The Advertising Standards Authority, who reacted with a complete ban on the ads.

The ads are actually quite beautiful. You can see them here.

The ads are so tame as to be laughable, but I’m not really laughing when I consider the implications of what happens when an industry authority, in an industry known for strong influence on culture and art, caters to the sexual morality of the few — to the most negative ends. But considering what the ASA had to say about what they think might be going on in the ads’ images — revealing much about their own perverse imaginations… It’s obvious that this is not a balanced conversation, nor a mature organization deserving of its power or voice in what should be a diverse landscape. BBC tells us,

An advertisement showing a woman bound with rope and exposing her thighs has been banned by the industry watchdog.

The Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) said the image used by tile company Bisazza implied sexual violence “had taken place or was about to”.

(…) But the ASA said the geisha was “shown in a submissive pose, appeared visibly upset and was shown with her kimono pushed up to expose her thigh”.

“Notwithstanding the highly stylised nature of the ads, we considered the creative treatment could be seen to imply that sexual violence had taken place or was about to take place,” it said. (…read all, news.bbc.co.uk, thanks Jason!)

By Artur Lange

The other day I quoted The Twisted Monk on the vital matter of spanking location, or what he calls the problem of hitting “high and outside”. Now, from The Training Of O, here’s the perfect illustration:

It’s important to be fair here; since The Training Of O is a fairly heavy-handed BDSM site that has [...]

My friend just started Cocksexual, and she’s looking for (paid) models. Her call sez,

Cocksexual.com is my newest project, slated for opening in February of 2010.

I’m looking for hot people of all genders and orientations who enjoy strapon sex and/or posing in their strapons. I’m not currently playing match-maker for partnered sets, so if you’d like me to shoot you having sex, you need to provide your own friend/lover. Make sure to have them apply as well, or apply as a couple.

Shooting

I’m going to be making a trip to DC and New York in early November, and San Francisco in early December. I live in Seattle, so if you’re local, we can find a date that works well for both of us.

I’d like to shoot a couple of photosets of you as long as we’re getting together. I’d also like to capture a bit of video, but if for any reason you prefer to just do stills, that’s fine. Plan for each set to take an hour or two.

Since I’m looking to do a strapon site that’s not focused on BDSM/domination, I’d prefer to shoot you in your own home or other non-dungeon sort of location. I should also have a shooting location available in each city if you’re not able to or comfortable shooting in your own home, but I’d like to emphasize the “real people, in their own bedrooms” sort of vibe of the site. (…more, cocksexual.com)

The other day someone suggested I run a column called “Why Am I Getting Laid.” I told him I already do - it’s YATBK! And here is a perfect example.

Alias: Beautility
Age: 34
Relationship status: Three year physically monogamous with a very active fantasy mind. Engaged to the hottest woman in the universe.
Sexual orientation: Queer.  Pussy loving femme power bottom sometime submissive.  Retired recreational bisexual.
Favorite physical feature on yourself: My clit.  It is equally functional and beautiful.  It never fails me and has brought me and others so much pleasure. I discovered this special part of me in early childhood and it has been my best friend ever since.  I also love my natural breasts and my eyes too.
Tattoos/piercings: Just the ears.  I feel like piercings get in the way sometimes.    I think my ink-free status is a manifestation of my fear of commitment combined with my desire to be versatile.  I admire tattoos on others but feel truly naked and anonymous without them.  There is something powerfully vulnerable about clean, blank skin that turns me on. It is a novelty in this day and age.   I find it easier to role play without glancing down to see an identifying feature on myself.  I can be 10 different people in 10 minutes without being reminded of spring break 2002. I can go from catholic school girl to prison warden in no time.
Beauty tip: My favorite is a home made coconut oil sugar scrub party.  Take a few scoops of extra fine sugar and mix them with a cup of coconut oil.  Add some vanilla extract if you’re feeling crazy.  Enlist a friend or 3 to scrub down your entire body (take caution in the more sensitive regions, this is exfoliating).  The process is most effective if they use their whole bodies to exfoliate you.  After you feel all tropical and smooth then rinse each other off and enjoy the softest smoothest skin of the islands.  PS: This scrub is one hundred percent edible.
Drink lots of water, don’t deprive yourself, get enough sleep, don’t smoke, eat well, feel sexy and you will look beautiful.  Plain and simple.
Charity you support: RAINN Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network.  I have been lucky enough to not have suffered from any of these assaults but some close to me have not been so fortunate.  I value sexuality and its beautiful power.  The shame and years of healing that need to take place can be so crippling.  In our backwards sexual culture it is so important to have a network for support, safety and healing.
If you could take a class for fun right now, what would you take? If I could take a class for fun right now it would be a Spanish class.  I studied it in college and have forgotten most of what I learned.  It is a beautiful language and I want to understand the luscious salsa and merengue songs that I enjoy dancing to so much.  One of my first lovers is Puerto Rican and they call this a romance language for a reason.  Dame lo Papi.
Did you have an imaginary friend growing up? I didn’t just have a friend, I had a whole imaginary alternate universe.  I developed a whole ritual that involved chanting and walking a certain path.  This process transported me and my select friends into an parallel universe. It looked exactly like the world we live in except there were fairies, leprechauns and pixies hiding in the flowers.  Only I could see them.  I spent much of my time in this alternate universe convincing my friends that these creatures existed.  if we encountered other humans(my mom or dad) in this world they would trick us into thinking that they were who they appeared to be in order to protect the secrets of this new world.  The more imaginative of my friends let their minds go with me.  These friends were rewarded with little gifts from the fantasy creatures.   Faith and imagination were rewarded.  I had no idea that I was playing with ideas in quantum physics and religion.  I thought I was just being a funtime ring leader.
What is one of the bravest things you have ever done? The bravest thing I have ever done was to overcome my fear of driving.  I was in a pretty bad accident when I was 15 years old and quickly developed a hearty phobia.  Taking my drivers test and learning to drive without fear is something I am most proud of.
Special skill/talent, what are you really good at? (non-sexual): I am a pretty damn good cook.  As a 12 year vegetarian I have learned to get creative with my cooking.  I have to say that I have pretty good instincts in the kitchen and love to try new things. I love to cook and nourish people. I really enjoy the pleasure my flavor brings and when people can taste my passion.  I can’t wait to put on my apron and cook for my woman.  She can’t either.
Special skill/talent, what are you really good at? (sexual):  I can fuck you from just about any position, even while being fucked.  Just when you think you are fucking me I will take over. Knees next to my ears, no problem.  A true female power bottom.
I am very good at introducing people to new things. I am pretty good at making people feel safe enough to try things that they have always wanted to try.  I really enjoy opening new doors.  I also give a really mean blow job…skin or silicone.
How old were you when you lost your virginity? I have to say that I haven’t “lost” a thing but I have found very many powers.  It is hard to say what my virginity consists of. There were many milestones in my sexual history that are all equally hot and meaningful to me. In second grade I taught my childhood best friend to masturbate with the pool filter output.  I held her the first time that she had an orgasm.  Throughout high school I had quite a few boys who really enjoyed going down on me.  This was when I learned that I taste very much like peach candy.  I never reciprocated…poor boys.  I now know that this was because I was wrestling with my queerness and was more than willing to let them please me but was not motivated nor did I feel obligated to do so.  I never felt as if their hard-ons were my responsibility.   They were so dedicated and giving, sorry boys!
I finally had boy girl intercourse when I was almost 20 with my then boyfriend.  It was hot, rhythmic and totally wonderful.  His older brother taught him, in the Puerto Rican tradition,  that a man should judge himself by how much pleasure he gives his woman.   If you are a real man then you will have the women as putty in your hands.  He was right.   Any man who says that I prefer women because I haven’t had the right man in DEAD wrong.
The last time you had sex, and with whom: This morning, with my lady.  A pre-coffee quickie.  She fucked me with her fingers while I used my Hitachi.   What a great way to start the day…more to come later.
What type of person are you into? I get really worked up by aggressive types…male or female or in between.   I like my partners a bit cocky and a lot sexually charged.  I get really hot for tomboys, butch women, domintors, studs.  Nothing gets my dress around my waist faster than a daddy.  If you like my high heels and over the shoulder glances then you had better show me.  I like hot trans-men and bois too. Sexual outlaws.   As long as you are willing to grab me by the hips and put out.    And then, there are the secret wildcats who are yet to discover their dominating ways.  I love a shy boi who checks me out from across the room.  I will make you blush, flirt with you shamelessly until you feel safe enough to take over then I will be the little slut that you hoped I would be.
What do you fantasize about? You know, the usual.  I fantasize about being dominated.  Being dragged into an alley for sex. Taking over a pirate ship and sexually enslaving the pirates.   Getting my cheek pressed against the bark of a tree in the woods.  Being half way conscious and getting banged by a stranger or 3.  Being the baby sitter and seducing the drunk dad as he drives me home (not that I condone drunk driving).  Showing my yard boy how to please a woman.  Becoming a mermaid and seducing a sailor.  And then there is the dentist…Wow, I could go on and on…
What’s your fetish? Wearing high heels.  Hot dresses.  Costumes.  I love to be tied up.  I love to have sex where and when I shouldn’t.  (I once pulled it off in a display tent in Sears).  I love masturbating fast and getting off before my partner returns from the bathroom.  I really enjoy biting people…I think its because I have been a vegetarian for so long. That feeling of flesh between my teeth is so satisfying.
What turns you on? Oh my god.  Where to start. I think I touched on that already.  But I love strong and knowing hand, hot sweaty bodies,  New and old encounters.  Sex toys, hot shoes, dressing up, dressing down.  Getting tossed around. Slumber parties.
Allowing my body to be used as a pleasure vessel.  Volunteering to let someone use me to get themself off.  I can be so patient and giving for the right person.  I am willing and able to do what you need me to do no matter how long it takes and with a smile on my face.  I won’t judge or rush you. My endurance is often only matched by my partner’s gratitude.
Pubic hairstyle: Short triangle to landing strip depending on the day.  I have gone bald but prefer a bit of hair for decoration and because I can.
What do your nipples look like? little delicious cocoa nips
What was one of the hottest moments of your life? Wow, there are a few, it is hard to choose.  Here are a few highlights.
Then there was the first time with my girl.  We had been building up to our first physical encounter for months…texting, calling but no physical contact yet due to geography.   When I arrived at the hotel the front desk guy handed me an envelope.  Inside was a hotel key and room number.  She set the scene in the room complete with heavy shades drawn, candle light filling the room and dozens of roses and gardenias (my favorite) perfuming the air.  She had written notes all over the mirrors in lipstick and a rose petal bath had been drawn.  She was nowhere in sight…or so I thought.  She was hiding and watching my confusion and wonder for a few minutes before she sprung out from next to the bed and threw me down.  That date lasted for about 3 days.  We called out for food and camped out in that room with a do not disturb sign planted firmly on the door.  She still has rose petal stains on the knees of those jeans and I have a ring on my finger.
Another is the time I taught my ex-lover to fuck me with a strap on.  I shouldn’t say “taught” becaue she had such an innate natural talent that it made me dizzy.   I swear to god I almost passed out.  It was a hot summer night and I went into it thinking it would be a lesson.   It was her first time and she was like a wild animal that had been held captive in the zoo.  If you could breed a vampire, a teen age boy, a concert violist and werewolf then you would have her.  There are some people who are just born to do what they do and she was one of them.  I felt like I was the first one to hear Muddy Waters play or the first one to watch the sunrise for the first time.  It was as if I got to witness and be a part of such a beautiful and perfect discovery.  She has a gift and I helped her to unwrap it.  It was so hot to be the one that made her feel safe enough to go there.  I think I came about 10 times at least.
Then there was my first threesome.  In the pool, me and 2 butch girls.  It was acrobatic and delicious.  Hot summer sun and 2 very eager to please bois…mmmm.
Any regrets? I regret hurting anyone that I have hurt in the past.   If I have loved you and broken your heart then I am truly sorry.  The unglamourous side of the femme fatale. There is always carnage.
Why do you think I chose you for YATBK? Because I am sweetly and generously slutty and so are you.

This post is by The Beautiful Kind (TBK), a 30-something sex consultant/blogger in the midwest. Features include “Ask The Slut,” “You Are The Beautiful Kind,” and “Why Am I Not Getting Laid?” Visit us on the web at thebeautifulkind.com ~ Work the kinks OUT.

Let me start by saying I’m a big fan of Tristan Taormino.  From her Expert Guide DVD series to the spontaneous, supercharged and super-popular Chemistry series, not to mention her delectable books, she sets the bar for that sought-after combination of sex-positivity and pure heat.  And now, she’s raising the bar even higher with her latest release:  Rough Sex, starring Sasha Grey.

Now, this is a special DVD, because it explores consent and pushes the boundaries of fantasy/reality–rape fantasies and break-ins abound.  But the difference between Tristan’s work and some of the other stuff you’ll find out there is that she actually takes the time to interview her performers, explore their taboo fantasies with them, and then commit them to film.  So we, the viewers, get to see it all, from idle fantasy to actualization.  Not only is it insanely hot to watch (especially if you’re into the rough stuff), but it’s a nice model for thinking about how you might introduce fantasy and roleplay with your partner(s).

Of course, with representations of taboo and force-based fantasies, there are bound to be questions, concerns, and triggers for some viewers.  Never one to dodge a difficult question, Tristan happily gave us an interview to explain her process and perspective on this groundbreaking project.  Read on!

Babeland: How does the experience of making Rough Sex compare to other DVDs you’ve directed/created?

Tristan: Rough Sex is the most challenging movie I’ve made.  There was the issue of giving the performers the freedom to act out their fantasies while being able to convey to viewers how the scenes were created. That’s how I decided on this sort of documentary/vignette hybrid. First, we show you the behind-the-scenes stuff and you get to hear from the performers themselves. Then, we ask you to suspend disbelief as you enter their fantasy world.

Babeland: You certainly pushed some boundaries with Rough Sex!  Were/are you concerned about viewers’ reactions, and about portraying consent clearly and realistically?

Tristan: Obviously, I was very concerned about establishing not only clear consent but also giving the viewer the sense at how the scene revolved around a real fantasy of a real person — the female performer.  I am very pleased with the final product — I feel like it manages to set up the scenes well so people can feel comfortable watching what happens (which in most cases is pretty intense)!

Babeland: The first scene in particular raised some eyebrows on our staff.  It’s so well-done, while touching on some really difficult-to-represent fantasies.  What are your thoughts about riding that line between trigger (especially for viewers who’ve survived sexual assault/abuse/rape) and arousal?

Tristan: I do think the setup interview, with the two of them talking, really does a good job of establishing their connection and trust.  For me, as a viewer, consent means so much.  If I’m watching a scene that’s rough or has a Dominant/submissive power dynamic, and I get any inkling that the submissive is not enjoying herself or she’s not into it, it’s a total turn-off.  But when it’s clear she’s getting off on the scenario, I can feel at ease to go there with her.

Babeland: Absolutely.  How did you collaborate with the performers to create this delicate dynamic?

Tristan: Adrianna Nicole was totally into this home invasion scenario. We both agreed, however, that we wanted to hint to the viewer that the couple knew each other and were actually roleplaying.  When you see her at the beginning in the shower, she takes a butt plug out of her butt — that was meant to be a visual cue that she had prepared for what was about to happen.  But, I mean, even I jumped when Marco first appears on screen!  All of that said, I realize that any of these scenes — any sex scene really — can be a trigger for someone. I can’t control what will or won’t freak someone out, just like I can’t really control what will turn them on. My intention was to show viewers how the scenes came about so they could feel comfortable going on this ride with all the performers.

Babeland: In general, what’s your favorite part of making porn, and what do you think sets your porn apart from everything else out there?

Tristan: My favorite part of making porn is getting to work with such an incredibly diverse group of performers. The mainstream media portrays porn stars as very one-dimensional.  In reality, I have met some of the most fascinating, intelligent, and gifted people through porn, and I have learned a lot from them.

Babeland: Is it difficult to be a woman director/producer in an industry that’s still largely dominated by men?

Tristan: Not only am I a woman in a male-dominated industry, I am an out dyke and I openly identify as a feminist, so sometimes I think lots of the old-school guys believe I am some kind of alien!  It’s definitely a challenge to work in a world that has been run by men for so long, but remember, I do have role models:  women like Betty Dodson, Nina Hartley, Carol Queen, Candida Royale, Veronica Hart, Annie Sprinkle and others who paved the way for what I and others do today.  I look to them when I need advice or support.

Babeland: And what advice would you offer new pornmakers, women or otherwise, who are looking to bring their vision to a larger audience?

Tristan: Well, it sounds strangely simple, but I say:  just do it!  I mean, don’t let other people tell you things like, “there’s no market for that,” or “that will never do well,” or “that’s a bad idea.”   These are things I have been told over and over. You just need to follow your gut and your passion and make the kind of porn you want to make.  Then, promote the heck out of it.  The industry is still saturated with product, so standing out is easier said than done — you really have to work to let consumers know that your stuff is out there and why it’s different.

Babeland: Finally, what’s next for you?

Tristan: My next project is a new title for the Vivid-Ed sex education line: Midori’s Expert Guide to Sensual Bondage.  I worked with renowned sex expert, author, and educator Midori on this project, and it’s just fantastic.  It’s a great guide for couples who wouldn’t necessarily pick up a book on BDSM — very accessible, and also very hot!

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Copyright © 2008
This feed is for personal, non-commercial use only.
The use of this feed on other websites breaches copyright. If this content is not in your news reader, it makes the page you are viewing an infringement of the copyright. (Digital Fingerprint:
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More here (16 pictures). From KissaK

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