Eros Daily Musings and Digressions

Sexual assault in the BDSM community, friendly & cute male porn stars, teen sleepovers, & the continuing SlutWalk debate

Porn star James Deen

Top stories of the week:

BDSM Acceptance

BDSM Club Wants to be Recognized as a Legal Business in St. Louis - Every time a local reporter writes about BDSM, they make it sound so unappealing and unsexy. Instead of featuring the intriguing aspects of it, they focus on head-scratching details such as fire sprinklers and bad checks. I SWEAR BDSM can be very sexy and legitimate. I was quoted in this article, and just to be clear, I don't approve of how Joe does business.

I wish we had strong and ethical leaders and activists in this area to lead alternative lifestyle movements. For now, we have Sex Positive St. Louis raising awareness and doing its best to get the word out and offer events for people wanting to explore their sexuality.

BDSM & Sexual Assault

BDSM & Sexual Assault - I echo this blogger's statement: "It’s fair to call me a critic of how the BDSM community handles sexual assault in its midst.  I take that stance because I know too many people whose trust has been violated not only by community members or play partners, but also by the community as a whole if they’ve tried to report."

A few months ago, without naming names, I spoke out against sex predators in the local BDSM community. I was attacked online for over two weeks. Hate essays were written about me, a "Sick of TBK" group was started on FetLife, and I was accused of being sex-negative. I finally ended up leaving the scene in order to focus my efforts elsewhere.

I was glad to see someone else speak out about this serious issue. I hope more people do.

Porn

An Interview with Porn Star James Deen - This article won me over and offered me a new perspective on the ongoing discussion of women and porn. Favorite quote of the article: "There should be more pussy eating in porn!" James Deen declares.

The SlutWalk Debate

Mona Gable shares her mixed feelings about SlutWalk

Heath Corinna writes a deeply personal thank you note to SlutWalk

Sex Positive St. Louis will be leading SlutWalk next year. Here is an example of the types of talks that took place after the march. This is Brennan Peters covering Feminism 101. My talk with David Wraith on Rape Rationale will be posted soon.

Teenage Sex

A Reporter Compares How Teen Sex is Handled in the U.S. vs The Netherlands - At the Sex Positive St. Louis parenting group the other night, a woman offered an interesting twist to the usual topics of discussion - her 15 yr old son came out as polyamorous! He was having sex in the woods and catching poison ivy. She is considering giving her blessing for him to have sex in the house. This article suggests: "Normalizing teenage sex under the family roof opens the way for more responsible sex education. "

 

 

 

 

---

Copyright 2011, The Beautiful Kind

Sexual assault in the BDSM community, friendly & cute male porn stars, teen sleepovers, & the continuing SlutWalk debate

Porn star James Deen

Top stories of the week:

BDSM Acceptance

BDSM Club Wants to be Recognized as a Legal Business in St. Louis - Every time a local reporter writes about BDSM, they make it sound so unappealing and unsexy. Instead of featuring the intriguing aspects of it, they focus on head-scratching details such as fire sprinklers and bad checks. I SWEAR BDSM can be very sexy and legitimate. I was quoted in this article, and just to be clear, I don't approve of how Joe does business.

I wish we had strong and ethical leaders and activists in this area to lead alternative lifestyle movements. For now, we have Sex Positive St. Louis raising awareness and doing its best to get the word out and offer events for people wanting to explore their sexuality.

BDSM & Sexual Assault

BDSM & Sexual Assault - I echo this blogger's statement: "It’s fair to call me a critic of how the BDSM community handles sexual assault in its midst.  I take that stance because I know too many people whose trust has been violated not only by community members or play partners, but also by the community as a whole if they’ve tried to report."

A few months ago, without naming names, I spoke out against sex predators in the local BDSM community. I was attacked online for over two weeks. Hate essays were written about me, a "Sick of TBK" group was started on FetLife, and I was accused of being sex-negative. I finally ended up leaving the scene in order to focus my efforts elsewhere.

I was glad to see someone else speak out about this serious issue. I hope more people do.

Porn

An Interview with Porn Star James Deen - This article won me over and offered me a new perspective on the ongoing discussion of women and porn. Favorite quote of the article: "There should be more pussy eating in porn!" James Deen declares.

The SlutWalk Debate

Mona Gable shares her mixed feelings about SlutWalk

Heath Corinna writes a deeply personal thank you note to SlutWalk

Sex Positive St. Louis will be leading SlutWalk next year. Here is an example of the types of talks that took place after the march. This is Brennan Peters covering Feminism 101. My talk with David Wraith on Rape Rationale will be posted soon.

Teenage Sex

A Reporter Compares How Teen Sex is Handled in the U.S. vs The Netherlands - At the Sex Positive St. Louis parenting group the other night, a woman offered an interesting twist to the usual topics of discussion - her 15 yr old son came out as polyamorous! He was having sex in the woods and catching poison ivy. She is considering giving her blessing for him to have sex in the house. This article suggests: "Normalizing teenage sex under the family roof opens the way for more responsible sex education. "

 

 

 

 

---

Copyright 2011, The Beautiful Kind

Found on Kindgirls.

Femanist View

Sex feels good. It’s about huge and satisfying sensations, it’s about being physical and full of fun hormones and endorphins and neurotransmitters and stuff. It’s about enjoying each other’s bodies and your own. None of that has to be “relationships” or “emotions” in any long-term sense. Why should sex have to be anything to do with love, for it to count or be viewed as a good thing? As Tina Turner sang, “What’s love got to do with it?”

People may feel that the stuff that I did with Julie or with SNS had “nothing to do with love”, if they watched it on a video, but they would be wrong to reach such a conclusion.

Of course sex should not be abusive or degrading. The problem is that when it comes to what is degrading, a lot of the times it is in the eye of the beholder. Some people would, again, argue that what I do with my sexual partners is degrading, but neither they nor I found it to be so…

She knew when she put on the spanking skirt that she was going to get a little bit of sore-butt action. But much to her surprise, the evening didn’t go quite the way she imagined it would! She didn’t really expect to be stripped out of the skirt and tied down for a bondage paddling: [...]

What would you do if someone asked you to be their first sexual experience? RainMan shares his tips on how to proceed with kindness.

Like a virgin - Hey!

My friend RainMan called me up one day and made a surprising announcement: "I've just been nominated by my friends to help a virgin learn about sex!"

"WOW congrats!" I exclaimed.

"Are you kidding?" he replied, "I can't decide if this is a blessing or a curse! The fate of her sexual history is in my hands!"

"Good point," I agreed. "You should always leave a person better than you found them. This is serious business."

We discussed a gameplan, and off he went to…explore virgin territory.

He is 27, she is 24. They met at a party. Here is his story.

RainMan's Tips for Happy Virgin Sex

Earlier this year, I had a rather unexpected opportunity come my way: being a virgin's first. This would be my first time with a virgin. Kendra was kind enough to act as a sounding board for my thoughts and concerns, and I thought I'd put together a little guide for anyone else who might find themselves in a similar situation.

Timing

This will be a slow process. You should expect several sessions with the gal. How many really depends on what sort of experiences she's had before and how quickly she gets comfortable with you. In my case, V was completely new to everything. No boyfriend, no making out, nothing. We ended up with a total of five sessions over the span of about a month.

Coming from a guy who's spent most of his dating life with FWBs (friends with benefits), a month seems like an eternity. Stretching it out and giving her a few days between sessions was definitely the way to go. It gave her an opportunity to deal with any feelings that cropped up along the way, as well as letting what she'd learned sink in a bit.

Sessions

V and I barely knew one another at the beginning, so the first couple sessions were entirely hands-off. Five sessions may have been overkill, we probably could have gotten by with three or four, but hell, if you're gonna put this much work into one night of sex, why not swing for the fences and try to make it perfect?

1. Meet n' Greet. Grabbed a drink at a cafe and talked about what she wanted. Not much of a session at all, but talking about what they want and what will happen is important.

2. Hanging With Mr. C. Simple “getting to know each other” meeting. We just hung out at the beach one evening and chatted for a bit. Nothing physical, just getting comfortable with each other.

3. Seven Minutes in Heaven. Watched a couple movies on the couch, and slowly ramped up. Light touching, kissing, making out. I think this would be second base (what are the bases again?).

If your virgin is new to kissing, they'll probably do a few things wrong. Some gentle guidance will work well here. In V's case, she used waaaay too much tongue, but I seem to recall being guilty of that myself when I was new. If you're lucky, it'll be something simple like that. If not, well, it could be much worse. My first time making out, the girl stuck her tongue deep into my mouth, which I wasn't expecting, and my reaction was to clamp down. Ended up biting her tongue hard enough to draw blood, and the next day she couldn't talk because it had swelled up. I was fucking mortified.

4. Downtown. This was by far the most awkward of all the sessions, even more than the big night. V was very nervous and needed tons of warming up. Between making out and kissing/touching her body, it probably took close to thirty minutes before she was ready. This is a great opportunity to explore, though, and we found a few spots on V that she didn't know would feel so good.

Nothing crazy that night. The goal wasn't to make her cum, just to get her comfortable. Basic licking/flicking, some manual clit stimulation, no penetration of any sort.

V responded very well to gentle guidance on her blowjob techniques. Giving performance advice to partners is a mine field under the best of circumstances, the “softly softly” approach was crucial here. Make sure your V understands that it is okay if she can't finish you off (she'll likely be very self-conscious if she can't make you cum).

5. Senior Prom. This was a long session. A lot more foreplay than I usually give (pretty much double what I consider to be a typical amount). No crazy positions. All the variations on missionary are good, cowgirl is a good choice. Doggy is iffy, some girls hate that position. V's favorite was getting into cowgirl and then just grinding her clit against me, which gave me a break every now and then. Just like #4, chances are she won't be able to orgasm. Not many people cum their first time. Make sure she understands that is normal and okay. V surprised me and actually did.

This was one night where I made an exception to my rule and spent the night, something I very rarely do. V wanted a lot of aftercare, though I can see where the opposite would be common as well (the intimate nature of aftercare might be a little too much).

Final Thoughts

- Remember to laugh. People take sex way too seriously, don't be one of them. A kiss gone wrong, an unexpected sound, there were so many times when something happened that ended up with V and I collapsing in fits of laughter.

- It will be a lot of work. This isn't a ONS (one night stand), it will take time, planning and plenty of communication to do it right.

- It is ALL about them. Think of it as a D/s scenario, where you are constantly keeping on eye on how they are doing (your V might not be good at communicating any discomfort). Checking in periodically is a good idea.

- Cues may be a lot more subtle than you're used to. V was quiet as a churchmouse, which really threw me. I'm used to my FWBs (friends with benefits) who are pretty vocal, so it took some careful attention to see how she was holding up and a lot more reliance on visual cues.

- Keep in mind this is all written from the perspective of a guy. I'd imagine a lot of it will still apply if it is the guy who is a virgin.

Done right, it can be a very rewarding experience for both of you. Screw it up, and every guy who comes along afterward will have to clean up your mess.

I think I left V better than I found her. In fact, several months later, she's succesfully dating and we're still FWB (friends with benefits)!

---

Copyright 2011, The Beautiful Kind

I had the choice between getting my first pedicure, or first colonic. I chose the colonic. Here’s what a butt spa is like.

An artist rendition of my butt

Have you ever had an enema? How about a colonic (colon hydrotherapy)? They say it's like having 30 enemas at once. I saw a Penn & Teller Bullshit! episode where they paid a man $500 to get one done, and he was a big baby about it.

I've always been curious about it, as I've heard so many conflicting reports. Some people think it's a miracle treatment, that your colon gets clogged with toxins that build up over time, which interferes with your ability to absorb nutrients. 

Supposedly, colonics can clear your skin, cure headaches, give you more energy, help with depression, and much more.

Others think it's bunk, that it's basically a way to shit everything at once, big deal.

In fact, my daughter overheard me making my appointment and she said with a surprised look on her face, "Wait, you're paying someone to help you poop?"

I just had to find out for myself what it was like. You know how I am.

Plus, I've been trying really hard to face my sphincter fear. Not only have I been getting ass fucked more often, but I've also experimented with luxurious anal toys and um, indulged other people's fetishes.

I went to Ocean Clinics, a swank office that bills itself as an "inner beauty spa."

I sat in the waiting room and filled out the paperwork. Boy was I surprised to flip the page and come across this stern warning:

I wondered what happened to prompt them to add that all caps stern warning to the guidelines. It warranted TWO exclamation points!

I admired the Chihuly chandelier hanging above me BLAM:

and took a phone call from my partner who teased me about letting some stranger invade my ass.

My therapist Carrie called me in. She was really nice, reminded me of Dorothy Hamill, except she was wearing scrubs instead of ice skates.

As I followed her down the hall, I noticed a pair of jeans framed on the wall. I asked her what that was about, and she explained that the doctor was very proud of that pair of jeans, because they belonged to none other than Cindy Crawford. She said he likes to tell people that she was a patient of his, but that's not really true - he won them in an auction years ago.

She left me in a dimly lit room to strip from the waist down. The room had a cherry candle burning, an exam table, and a tricked out toilet. She asked me to empty my bladder, then lie on the table on my left side with a blanket covering me.

I was sooo delighted to discover the toilet seat was heated and had spray nozzles to hose off your pee and poop holes. Fancy! I like heated ANYTHING, so I was reluctant to move along to the table, but I did.

Here is the machine that runs the filtered water:

Carrie was very friendly, patient, and kind and welcomed all my questions. She explained that she was going to lube up a hose and stick it up my ass, except she worded it more along the lines of "insert a speculum into your rectum." Then she would conduct a series of fills and flushes, cleaning me out like a transmission flush.

She told me the body absorbs 30% of the water and how it was important for me to drink plenty of water the rest of the day. She advised me on good digestion habits - chew your food well, and don't drink a lot during your meal, as it dilutes your stomach acid and impairs good digestion.

I asked her about the "NO SEX" rule, and she told me that they've had a couple of guys in the office that creeped them out. One asked if he could jerk off during the procedure to help him relax, and the other guy asked the clinician to move the hose in and out. Now she has her guard up whenever a new male client comes in, because she never knows if he's going to pull something uncool. So fellas, don't do that, ok?

Hey, colon!

She penetrated my ass, and it made me feel vulnerable and weird. Then she had me lie on my back so she could start with the water park action, instructing me to relax and go with the flow. I did, but boy was it icky! I wondered how the fuck someone could get turned on by this - it felt the OPPOSITE of sexy to me.

The warm water fill made my colon spasm, which made me want to shit. I felt all crampy and bloated. The filling part was quick; it was the flushing that took a few minutes. She told me I was doing a great job, she was seeing a lot of productive results. I did not witness my waste fleeing my body at an expedited rate, so I took her word for it. It kindof reminded me of being in labor, except it was uncomfortable, not agonizing. No wonder that guy on P&T was such a sissy.

I asked how she got into the business of poop extraction and she told me she started out just working in the office, and didn't know a thing about colon hydrotherapy. Her co-workers encouraged her to try it, they raved about it, so she finally did. She loved the results, so when they expanded the practice and wanted to hire another therapist, she went for training and got certified in assology.

She told me about a man who was covered in painful boils that cleared up with hydrotherapy. She said they get patients from age 18-70. She said some patients burst into tears during their session, and some pour their heart out to her - the procedure triggers more than one release.

My session lasted about 45 minutes. I was so proud of myself for pulling it off. At the end, she let me know that for best results, it's good to get a series of three in a two week period. Awww man! Did I really want to sign up for two more?? I decided I might as well get the whole experience, so I booked two more appointments.

After that first one I was buzzed and light! I felt oxygenated and CLEANED OUT. I felt like I had to poop the rest of the day, but THERE WAS NOTHING THERE. It felt pretty good.

That night my man shaved my asshole and crotch for an upcoming modeling gig, and then he ate my ass for the first time. He wanted to get in there while it was squeaky clean, he's not into musty bung.

I had my last two appointments, and because I was feeling anxious in general, they were worse than the first one, a real drag. But I powered through it, ignoring my annoyed lower GI tract.

In the past month I've lost 10 lbs. I have no idea if that's due to the colonic series or from stress. I'm also going to do a two week detox later, and I got some flax seed fiber. Flax is especially good for women.

So, yeah. My colon is so beautiful now!

---

Copyright 2011, The Beautiful Kind

…and he knows it! Via Flying Cat.

« Previous entries