Eros Daily Musings and Digressions

A few weeks ago, I noticed some Tweets of MayMay’s regarding personal attacks, and was shocked to read  that he had been singled out because of his leadership in KinkForAll and called a child molester and pedophile.

A group called “Citizens Against Trafficking” (which Maymay has been referring to “Citizens Against Sexuality Freedom and Discussion” (CASFD)),  and which is co-founded by a University of Rhode Island professor named Donna M. Hughes and one of her students, Melanie Shapiro, issued a bulletin authored co-authored by Donna M. Hughes and Margaret Brooks (a professor of economics at Bridgewater State College, nee Margaret Landman) portraying KinkForAll as an event ‘for kinky sex and sadomasochists.’”

This couldn’t be further than from the truth.

Let’s remember that Donna M. Hughes is the same person who lobbied mightily in favor of the law that criminalized indoor prostitution in Rhode Island, and ridiculed sex workers when they testified against the legislation.  She also took an anti-education stance, opposing Megan Andelloux’s opening of the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health.

Both MayMay and Sara Eileen, who came up with the concept of KFA, became adults at a time where information about sex and sexuality was much more freely available through the internet. I’m trying to remember my sources of sexual information, and it wasn’t my mother, a Western trained OB-GYN (see the irony?), who had enormous difficulty overcoming cultural conditioning and discussing sex with me.

KinkForAll’s core concept is of a serendipitous, ad-hoc unconference about the “intersection of sexuality with the rest of life.” It is most emphatically NOT  an event that includes any kind of sex or play. I have personally participated in two KinkForAll events in New York City. These are fast paced events, and the goal is to share, DISCUSS and TALK about aspects of sex and sexuality. I remember the tremendous energy and enthusiasm that came out of the first event. A number of individuals have taken it upon themselves to organize events around the country, including DC, San Francisco and Providence. Yes, there is taping, blogger and participants may Twitter, but this is explained in the rules for KinkForall:

KinkForAll will be talked about, blogged, recorded, photographed and logged in order to create, share, and distribute a repository of knowledge and experience. Participants always have the option to opt outof being photographed or otherwise recorded.

Because of MayMay’s openness about his sexuality, it’s easy for him to be singled out as the poster boy. It also minimize the involvement of Aida Manduley, the university student who should be applauded and given credit for her role as the principal organizer of KinkForAll Providence, held at Brown University. See Aida’s post where she clarifies many of the issues raised in the flyer. She also talks about how Margaret Brooks repeatedly emailed Brown Univ. officials, but never talked directly to her about the event,

It’s pretty terrifying to be the subject of an attack on the Internet. You can read MayMay’s account of what has happened thus far. And it’s pretty easy to “take out-of-context statements and blend them with factual inaccuracies to produce a piece of writing capable of creating (or sustaining) irrational moral panic on the part of those who read it.”

Professors Donna M. Hughes and Maragaret Brooks are mixing up human trafficking with the exchange of sexuality and intimacy between adults. It’s as if they don’t really understand what a pedophile really is.

MayMay is trying to find common points of interest with them, and addresses their concerns  in another post, and invites their dialog on how KFA could be made safer for all participants, including young people. Will they engage and actually participate in a dialogue? Not at all likely.  Donna M. Hughes is someone who is horrified by tattooed women. Professors Donna M. Hughes and Margaret Brooks are engaged in scare tactics, not civil discourse.

This has been a rather long and rambling post for me. Other people have articulated these issues much more clearly than me. The bottom line? Stand up, and speak out. Support MayMay. Support the KinkForAll concept, perhaps by attending and/or supporting a KinkForAll event. You’ll have to excuse me now, I’m helping plan a third KinkForAll in New York.

Tags: Donna M. Hughes, education, kinkforall, Margaret Brooks, sex education, sexed

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Beat Me in St. Louis 2009

Last weekend was Beat Me in St. Louis, the largest annual BDSM event in the area. I almost didn’t go, but then a mysterious benefactor stepped in and got me tickets for my birthday (thank you, fairy kinkfather!) I’m glad I got to go - it was bigger and better than Spanksgiving last year. I love the kind of events that have to state that no chainsaws are allowed.

Everyone attending was so happy and excited, like kids at Christmas. We saw lots of friends there, and spent most our time with Marie Haynes and her Handsome Husband. When we weren’t drinking whiskey up in their room, we were attending some great speaker presentations.

My favorite was the multi-talented Graydancer and Dana. He taught a class on how to put on a good kink performance, very clever and professional. I learned that I’m an exhibitionist, not a performer. I love getting naked and flogged or fucked in front of people, but I get nervous thinking about standing in front of a crowd and talking.

The incredibly adorable and sexy Rita Seagrave gave a fun presentation on gangbangs. It was so cute watching her scurry around the room flipping her wild mane of red hair and perching on laps as we discussed the details on planning a successful gangbang. I learned the term “spit-roast” - a person getting fucked while giving head.

I also learned that you should invite double the number of people you hope to have there, and double the lube and condoms as well. Provide beverages throughout the event and a spread of food for afterward. Beast would have a ball conducting something like this! I’d definitely like to make my own gangbang happen someday, but need to take care of a few other things on my kinky wish list first - rockin’ MFM and DP, for example.

I also really liked Lee Harrington, a flamboyant character who had us guessing gender. I thought he was a flaming homosexual from San Francisco, and Beast though he was female in origin. If you check out his bio, you’ll see Beast was right - he’s female to male transgender, a “guy with a twat.”  What is up with Beast having better Gaydar/Gendar than me?!?! He’s right just about all the time on everything. I don’t bet him on things unless I WANT to lose.

Speaking of losing (or winning), one of his goals for this event was to get a good flogger. It’s more fun to see the selection in person and touch them than to order one online. You know I’m not into things made from animals, but the rubber and synthetic floggers I’ve seen haven’t felt right to me, so I looked the other way when Beast bought this one made of elk (at least it’s not a factory farm by-product):

Even better, it has an INSERTABLE steel handle, which is my first steel sex toy. The flogger is very big, heavy, buttery soft and thuddy, and the handle is super cold, but warms up incredibly. A great addition to our sex toy collection. We tried it out in the dungeon there, and have played with it a few times since. I love being warmed up until I can happily take 70-80% strength blows MMMMMM….

I also got blindfolded and birthday spanked by some random attendees, and did what I usually do at events where nudity is allowed - shed my clothes until I was running around naked. Other seminars that I missed included “Abduction & Rape Play,” “Catheters & Enemas,” “Fisting,” and “Anal Play” - for that one Rita Seagrave rimmed one of my friends in front of a classroom of people. NICE!

As for what I didn’t miss, we had a late night MFMF play party up in the hotel room after checking out the pool where you could skinny dip. Marie knows how to class a joint up! She had rose petals, candle, honey liqeur, brie… but we still made Handsome Husband run down to the dessert bar (which was packed with perverts - nothing clears a dungeon like free cake) and grab us some brownies. And then we sucked his dick as a thank you.

I’ll see a lot of you at Cirque du Erotica tomorrow night, which will feature an incredible lineup of talented and sexy performers.

You can find out about other area BDSM events by visiting the StL3 website. J-Sin and Miss Regina rock!