Eros Daily Musings and Digressions

Len Bernstein

Once it would never have occurred to me even to put the words sex and kindness in the same sentence. I did want to see myself as considerate; but when I was close to a woman I mainly wanted her to be in a rapture over me while the world disappeared; and I felt it was impossible for a man to touch a woman and be kind. Sex, I thought, was the kiss of death to friendship between a man and woman, bringing pain and resentment, and I didn’t know why.

Men don’t know how desperate they are to have genuine kindness. Eli Siegel defined kindness as “that in a self which wants other things to be rightly pleased.” I have seen on the most intimate level that when a man is truly interested in having the woman he is close to care more for the world, be in a better relation to it, there come to be pride and pleasure that are unmatched; a man experiences the sweeping emotion he longs for–and with all I still have to learn, I count myself one of the luckiest men in America because I experience this in my marriage of over 25 years…

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